For fifteen years, I coordinated an award winning mentoring program in the school system of my hometown, Wilmington, NC. It was successful, first, because the community embraced the concept and second, because the youth welcomed the idea of learning from someone who looked liked them, was a male, capable and genuinely cared about there well being. Let me say up front, OUR CHILDREN WANT US TO SHOW WE CARE. When we do, they will bend over backwards to please us. True story: once I received a call from a sister teacher asking if I would bring my program to her middle school. She was concerned about a group of boys who were daily being sent to the principles' office, acting out in class, basically failing everything. She knew they were brighter than their display of conduct. So, I went and met with these little brothers, there were about eight of them. Sister was right, they were bright. I could tell it the moment they came into the classroom. We talked about some basic things, responsibility, expectations, family, community, respect and in between all of this I through in some African History and shared with them a few stories of my childhood. The following week, the principle met me at the door beaming with surprise. He said, "Mr. Madafo, I don't know what you did but whatever it was, keep on doing it." Then he proceeded to tell me how, for the whole week, none of the boys had gotten kicked our of class, they were doing their homework, and the change was just remarkable. When I walked into our meeting space, all of the boys were there, eager to listen and talk about their experiences. Some of them wanted to bring others of their friends to share this with. I contend, those boys reacted, the way they did, simply because they wanted to be impressive. They wanted someone, in whom, they trusted, to feel proud of them...especially, a Black Man. I also contend, that if our children are acting out, it is because the adults are, also. My experience has taught me that Black Men are at the center of all that is right and wrong in our community. Back when we were separate, Black Men were teachers, which meant they were positive role modeling, in front of the youth, on a daily basis. They were coaches, PTA chairmen, scout masters, fathers and friends. They were not only visible but vocal. My program was simple. It was conducted on the school grounds. As a parent and citizen, I was given the right to enter any school as a volunteer. The school provided me with a space to meet, once a week. I coordinated with the councilor. She/he knew my schedule and approved the boys being out of class for that particular period. So, all I had to do was show up. Now, here is the tricky part. In those fifteen years, only one other brother stepped up to join me and he was there for only one year. My research revealed that the men were intimidated, afraid that they were not capable enough. "Afraid!" "One hour, a week!" Our Children aren't afraid of the adults, they actually want the adults to communicate to them, be their guide and confidante. Try sharing some of your childhood stories with them and watch their reaction. Tell them how important they are and watch their eyes light up. Be there for them and you will see a difference in their attitude. Love your children and they will learn how to love themselves. I bet cha. Peace and Blessings

Where are our black fathers? Let me start off by saying that it takes a man to raise a man. God put in place for us "structure". This structure is called "family". Family allows us to lean on one another, talk to one another and Family allows us to love and teach one another the things that our you children are missing. Discipline, rules and consequence no longer exist in our children's homes. Reasons being single parenting is a very difficult responsibility b/c you are having to be responsible for 2 or more individuals. Being responsible means you have to work get them ready for school, make arrangements for them until you get off from work, pick them up when you get off from work take them home feed them, bathe them and do homework. Now its 9 pm and you have been up since 5:30 am. Fatigue, frustration, stress, etc contribute to the bending of rules lack of discipline and consequences b/c you begin to tell yourself that my child is not bad he/she is just "whatever word we choose for the day". Men we need you to step up become men and help out! I can remember being at school as a child and my friends be doing something that i had been taught at home not to do. There was a little voice (my father) in the back of my mind that would make me say nope i better not do that b/c i know when i get home (consequence) I am going to get it and i didn't participate. When we teach our children at home that there are consequences for your actions and those consequences come with discipline that little voice most times keeps our children safe and out of harms way. As a child I always thought of my parents as the bad guys but now that I am an adult I appreciate the rules, disciplince, and consequences b/c so many of my peers from single parent homes (mom only) are not a part of the solution to saving our children. Child support is not the solution Black Men. You are supposed to support your child financially, mentally, socially, etc... There are so many things left to do after you give the money. We need to have relationships with our children not just checks being cashed or money dropped off. Don't allow someone else to influence what is yours. It is your responsibility to encourage and support your child so that he/she knows that somebody cares and has there back and will protect them at all times. Life is not about "having all the sense" just simply using "common sense". Men if you have a daughter would it be acceptable to you for your daughter to be treated as you treat her mom? Lets be mindful we sometime "inderectly" teach our daughters that it is ok to be in certain situation b/c she feels hey mommy was strong and dealt with it and i am strong also but the true message from the beggining was wrong so she builds principals of life on things that are wrong. Men with sons, if he sees you playing mommy then he wants to be just like daddy... if he sees you abuse mommy he thinks its ok to put his hands on someone elses child. If he sees that daddy is never around and mommy is doing the best she can. He grows up with a sense of women are super heros. What i mean by this is when he has a child he doesnt feel the NEED to stay and be the FATHER that he should be b/c that is not what is instilled in him b/c YOU were NEVER there. So he has learned to send shoes and toys and live his life outside of the home which is why we are in this vicious cycle of Every MAN for himself and BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY... Black Men we need you... The easiest thing to do in life is give up... what makes you a MAN is to give back! Discipline! Rules! and Consequences... lets not continue to have the Consequences be prison or death and the Rules be blue or orange clothing and i am not speaking of private school uniforms 3 poverty meals day and the Discipline being you and the rest of the family saving money to send to a facility where the rules and environment are condusive to enclosed wild animals!!! D. Davis

Yes, there's a tremendous amount of tension that exists between Black parents and their siblings - but to state that Black kids hate their parents is way off the mark! Black kids don't hate their parents - they might hate the social and fiscal circumstances that their parents have acclimated them to such as living in poverty - but what child wants to grow up with no food, clothes and money for school supplies? Grimes and Slaughter are only adding fuel to this misnomer of Black kids hating their parents. Nothing could be further from the truth! The bridge is still there waiting for both the parents and their siblings to cross togehter. This is a totally different dispensation of time where the traditional role of rearing kids might not always work? With that said parents should try unorthodox ways of raising kids, because the kids are more atuned to their peers than their parents. Additionally, the role that the media plays weighs very heavy on these kids minds as well! There's a lot of violence and melodrama that's affecting and influencing the mindset of the kids today. So if a kid just happens to flair up at their parents - it's totally because their minds have been conditioned by their drug zone communities, and all of these violent programs and games that kids are watching and playing. The world has become a very violent place to live these days, and the children are just misplacing their anger and sometimes it ends up aimed at their parents. Now in reference to the Black kids not caring or asserting their so-called "Blackness" - lets just say our leaders have failed the Black race most terribly. If you poised the hypothetical question to an unborn child, and asked them if they had a choice of color in which to be born - either Black or white, and mentioned all of the racism, discrimination, prejudice, and social injustice that's equated with being Black, and how white people don't endure these injustices, without a shadow of a doubt the child would select being born white! Who wants to have to face all of these adversities in life - no one does! So this may be a precursor to why the Black youth's of today aren't as overwhelmed with their Blackness as the kids during the civil rights era? The status of the Black race has been compromised by Black religious and political leaders. The preachers sell-out the Black race to obtain tax free status for their churches and the Negro politicians have sold out the Black race for a paycheck. Black entertainers such as movie stars and singers have also compromised the freedom of the Black race for their "celebrity" status! The same with athletes - they have sold the Black race up the proverbial "creek without a paddle." If our ministers, politicians, celebrities, and athletes are not speaking up and addressing critical issues that pertain to our survival as a Black race - then why should the kids care about being Black? There's nothing structured for the kids to look forward to about being Black, because all of our leaders are silent! The kids are not after destruction of their parents - it's the system they seek to destroy, which needs to be torn down and reconstructed. As you can see everything around us is failing - the banks, housing market, auto industry and the social fabric will soon follow! It's ineivitable the moral fabric of America has failed the Black race, and the white leadership knows this. That's why the country has elected the 1st Black president to calm the clamor down! So- this is the time now for Black people to wake up and realize the mess we are in and try to figure a way out of this predicament we are in. It's going to take a concerted effort on everyone's part to bring resources to the table to fix this problem. Obama is a start but he's not the panacea for what troubles this country. The kids are rising up and rebelling because our leaders have failed to do so. The kids are tired of living in squalor, and being deceived.

How can we turn them around to self-awarenss? How can we convey to them that their existence isn't in vain? How do we bridge the existing gap? Our Black children have gone astray in pain, confusion and anger, falling for anything... Possibly because we have placed ourselves in egalitarian roles: parents, educators and other role models wanting to be friends with them, diluting that line of demarcation. Perhaps, all they were seeking were structure and boundaries! Instead, we have eradicated the meaningful conversations at the dinner table where we all come together and bond and we have ceased to implement rules. We must resuscitate all the golden rules and begin to look at each other with thoughts of unity and inclusion at the adult level and be more available to our Black children in our homes and in our communities at large.